1. April:confused::confused:
Wusste gar nicht, dass die Amerikaner diesen Brauch auch kennen:cool:
PRESS RELEASE
Laminar Research announces concession to Microsoft Flight Simulator, will withdraw from flight simulation market.
New business model in Intellectual property announced.
April 1, 2013
Columbia, SC:
THE CANCELLATION OF X-PLANE:
Austin Meyer, author of X-Plane, announced today that he will be withdrawing X-Plane, and ceding the flight simulation market to Microsoft Flight Simulator. "Sales of X-Plane are growing exponentially, but I wanted sales to grow exponentially times TWO!" claimed Meyer, citing poor sales as one of the reasons that he will be removing X-Plane from the market.
As well as canceling X-Plane for Macintosh, Windows, and Linux, Laminar Research will be removing X-Plane for iOS and Android from the App Stores. When asked why, Laminar Research President Austin Meyer was very clear. "Let's be clear", Meyer said "The AppStore generates significant revenue for Laminar Research, but only after I have UPLOADED the App for people to buy, and this is a frustrating process that can take in excess of 30 minutes… sometimes even 45 minutes if I am downloading episodes of "Breaking Bad" at the same time! I just cannot justify that type of grueling WORK!" Meyer noted that he believes that the Apple AppStore is an old idea with "limited potential" that only benefits a few people at the top of huge mega-corporations, since small, hard-working, creative developers could never get an Application ON the AppStore, thus leaving all of the profits to a few huge, faceless corporations.
THE NEW BUSINESS MODEL FOR LAMINAR RESEARCH:
Laminar Research is announcing exciting new prospects for the future, though! Beginning this April, when Laminar Research removes the X-Plane product from all servers and sales outlets, it will move into the "Intellectual Property Licensing" business. Laminar Research has filed or acquired a number of patents on "blade element theory", and "using a computer to calculate forces on an airplane", and will be suing all companies in the flight simulation market for a percentage of THEIR income, rather than actually making anything of it's own. "Remember" quotes Meyer "Running a business that actually CREATES something is so much WORK! You have to create a product that someone would actually VOLUNTARILY WANT to BUY, and then find a way to PRODUCE, DISTRIBUTE, and SUPPORT it! This is far too much work. It is much easier to SAY that I invented the IDEA of SOMEONE ELSE building a flight simulator, and then SUING anyone that actually DOES! That way, THEY do all the work, and I get the money for it! This is really a much more enlightened business model, and will be very profitable for Laminar Research, since I can now sue MANY companies in the flight simulation space without having to go through the tiresome process of actually MAKING anything!"
When asked for the specifics of how Laminar Research could actually do this, Meyer elaborated his future plans: "The patent system is EXCELLENT!" claims Meyer "All I do is send a piece of paper to the United States Patent Office claiming that I am the first person to think of someone ELSE writing a flight simulator! Since nobody in the United States Patent Office knows what a flight simulator is (Why WOULD they!??! They don't build flight simulators!!!!!!!!), they OBVIOUSLY approve my patents, and that allows me to sue anyone that has actually CREATED a flight simulator!" When asked how Meyer could do this, when flight simulators have been in use since 1909, Meyer claims: "I never HEARD of anyone writing a flight simulator before I did, so I just logically assume that I am the first person to think of the idea! So I must OWN the work anyone ELSE does in flight simulation. That's how the patent system works!"
None of the other companies in the flight simulation industry could be reached for comment, but are advised to save up money for their lawyers: Patent-infringement cases run about $2,000,000 in defense fees.
Edit:
APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!
Do not worry!
My press release was only an April fools joke!
In America, on april 1, we have a tradition called 'April fools day', where we play a joke on someone.
This is a tradition based on the changing weather in April, where we think the summer will start, and then it gets cold again.. the warm weather for a few days fools us into thinking that summer is here when really it is not. It is called 'April fools'.
So, now, as a tradition, in America, we all play a joke on our friends on April Fools day (which is April 1).
(And I hope that I can consider everyone on this list a type of friend)
So do not worry: I LOVE coding X-Plane, and will never stop! X-Plane is just going to keep on geting better and better, and I would never sue anyone for doing good work! Apples' AppStore, of course, is one of the greatest inventions of modern times, and empowers anyone with an idea and an ability to CREATE something to profit from it! We live in an amazing age, where anyone can create and profit from his work instantly, and X-Plane and Xavion are two examples of that. So, I love my work more than you can guess, and we are charging ahead with more success and than I ever could have imagined just a few years ago. April fools jokes aside, we are about to charge into the summer of flight simulation, with more cool stuff being developed behind the scenes right now than you even know about. But, you will see our awesome new work when the time is right, and THAT is no joke!
austin
